Konoha's Annual Man Hunt
by CrazyFrog07
Summary: When Konoha goes bankrupt, Tsunade is caught in a bind. When she goes out drinking one night, she gets an idea that means the endangerment of the Shinobi and the pleasure of the Kunoichi. CH 10 is IN PROGRESS
1. Hokage on a bender

CrazyFrog07 & MyObsessionIsGaara

Present…

A Fan Fiction that breaks all the rules…

You better brace yourselves…

Welcome to:

KONOHA'S FRIST ANNUAL MAN HUNT!!

-0-

"What the hell do you mean Konoha is bankrupt!" Tsunade yelled.

"Please don't yell Tsunade." Shizune said holding up hands in a form of surrender.

"Shit…" Tsunade cursed.

-0-

Tsunade lifted her head from her arms and stared at the empty bottle of sake in front of her.

"BAR-KEEP!" Tsunade barked at the bar tender who was cleaning a spot on the counter about ten feet away.

"What do you want Tsunade? And what ever happened to calling me Tohru?" The bar tender know known as Tohru asked.

Tohru pulled out another bottle of sake and was about to poor some in the saucer when Tsunade just took the bottle from his hand and chugged it.

"Tsunade baby, what's wrong? Talk to me." Tohru said leaning on the counter with a fresh sake bottle in his hand.

"…Konoha's bankrupt…" Tsunade mumbled into her arms.

Tohru almost dropped the sake bottle when he heard the words. He cursed silently before regaining his composure.

"Y-you can't m-mean that, r-right Tsunade baby? Y-you _are _kidding right?" Tohru stuttered.

"I wish I was kidding." Tsunade grumbled and then took a swig of sake.

"Ya know? You seem to be doing well ya self. What do I do?" Tsunade asked pointing her finger at Tohru.

"Scam one of the 5 great shinobi countries?" Tohru said staring at the ceiling and looking thoughtful.

"…" Tsunade stayed quiet and blinked.

"Um…you could scam Iwagakura…?" (1) Tohru suggested while shrugging his shoulders.

"Ya…ya, I'll do that…but I need something with…spice…and sex…like strippers…or chili…" Tsunade mumbled.

Tohru stared at her.

"Mull on it." He said and turned around.

"I will." Tsunade hiccupped and turned her head toward the street and then laid it back down on the counter.

"I don't see why we had to leave the party so soon! I was having fun!" A female voice said.

Tsunade squinted her eyes a bit and tried to get them to focus. When her eyes started to cooperate she could see Neji and Tenten walking down the street.

"I didn't like the way that guy was looking at you." Neji said, obviously trying to stay calm.

"Awe, sweet…but I don't need your protection! It's not like I was advertising sex or something." Tenten shouted.

'Man I love it when I see fights like these." Tsunade thought.

"Whatever you say miss 'I'm not a virgin'!" Neji shouted back.

"It was in your basement! And frankly, I didn't like the fact that you lost the condom and it took 5 minutes to find a new one." Tenten said crossing her arms and looking the other way defiantly.

"And whose fault was that?" Neji asked knowing it would tick her off.

Tenten suddenly turned around to smack him on the head, but he ducked in enough time to evade the attack. But he spun too quickly and tripped falling right into Tenten's chest.

From the bar Tsunade howled with laughter.

"Oh shit…" Neji mumbled into Tenten's chest.

"Oh…my…GOD! YOU BLIND, PERVERTED FREAK!" Tenten yelled.

Neji had enough sense to start running then. Tenten fallowed close behind with an assortment of weapons being launched.

"RUN BITCH!" Tenten cried continuing to throw weapons in Neji's direction. Neji's yelp's and screams where heard across Konoha.

"That's it!" Tsunade yelled jumping up and running to the Hokage's office.

* * *

1: See the 1st chapter of side stories. (Side stories is an assortment of one-shot's that retain to KAMH but just didn't make it in the actual story itself.) 

A/N: The chapters for this story are probably going to be short. But man this is going to be one hellva story. And I'm sure me and MyObsessionIsGaara is going to enjoy every second of writing it. And also the rating my go up on this, but I'm not sure yet.


	2. Keep This On The Down Low

A quiet rumbling was all the warning everyone got before Tsunade had made herself known to Shizune and everyone else in the Hokage's office.

"BOOYAH!" Tsunade yelled as barged into the room holding her fists above her head in victory stance.

"What the hell?" Shizune yelled dropping an arm load of paperwork on the floor that almost squished poor Tonton, who was at Shizune's feet.

"I have the ultimate plan!" Tsunade shouted power walking to her desk and pulling out a piece of paper.

"Oh no…this can't be good." Shizune said walking over to the desk and looking over at the paper Tsunade had taken out of her desk. She had saw that it was a list of phone numbers.

"Of course it is! I thought of it!" Tsunade said confidently still scanning the list of phone numbers.

"Which is why I'm worried for the safety of Konoha." Shizune muttered.

"Great to see your utter lack of faith in me." Tsunade said moving papers out of the way to clear a space on her desk.

"I do what I can…" Shizune said over-confidently.

"Let's see…Anko…where is her number…?" Tsunade said talking more to herself then anyone else in the room.

"Ummm…it's 4:00 in the morning and you're going to call people?" Shizune asked hesitantly.

"I'm the damn Hokage, if I want to call you at 4:00 in the morning, then I will call you at 4:00 in the fucking morning and no one can possibly stop me." Tsunade said sticking her nose up in the air and dialing Anko's number.

"…"

Tsunade impatiently tapped her fingers on the desk.

"…Hey…Anko has ring back tones!" Tsunade said excitedly.

-Down with the Sickness is playing-

Anko grabbed the phone much too quickly for a normal human who was asleep.

"Oh my _God!_ You damn stalker! Get out from under my damn window and stop calling me at horrid hours! Stay the hell away from you asshole! Argh!" Anko yelled.

"What the _hell?_" Tsunade said pulling the phone away from her ear and closing one eye from the volume of Anko's voice.

"DIE YOU BASTARD!" Anko yelled and chucked the phone out her bedroom window.

"OW!" Someone yelped from underneath the window.

Anko was at the window in a second.

"I SWEAR TO G- oh…Hey Kakashi! You scared away the stalker!" Anko yelled from the window waving her arm back and forth to greet Kakashi.

"I _am_ your stalker you twit! God damn…that phone hurt like _hell_!" Kakashi said rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh…but we're going out…why are you stalking me?" Anko asked a sweat drop forming on the back of her head.

"Um…to keep the sex life alive?" Kakashi questioned.

"Retard!" Anko yelled and slammed the window closed. One of the window panes cracked and piece fell on Kakashi's head.

"So mean…" Kakashi whined.

-0-

Shizune had her arms crossed in front of her chest and was smirking smugly.

"Okay…you when win Shizune! I'll call in the morning!"

"I thought so."

* * *

A/N: yeah I'm really sorry this chapter was so short, but my power keeps flickering on and off and I just wanted to get this posted before my computer shuts off completely.


	3. Foolish Boys

It was 11:00 before Tsunade had all the Kunoichi gathered in her office to tell them about her master plan.

Tsunade quieted everyone down and began to speak.

"I bet you're all wondering why I called you here today." Tsunade said looking out at everyone.

"Not really." Someone answered.

Tsunade looked a little pissed to see that they didn't seem to care.

"Humph! As you probably _don't_ know…Konoha is flat broke, and we need to raise money to keep ourselves ready for battle, to pay war debts, ect, ect." Tsunade said rolling her hand in air to emphasis what she was saying.

"Okay…" Everyone muttered.

"So…I propose that we stage a man hunt!" Tsunade said making a fist and pumping it in the air.

"What…the…_hell_?"

"And I'm going to be setting up betting pools and we can bet on our boyfriends based on odds and ratios and…" Tsunade trailed off.

"What are we betting on?"

"Who gets captured first, Who gets captured last, Which girl is going to capture the most boy's, and Which girl can get the most boys out of their shirts." Tsunade said counting off the bets on her fingers.

"And why would we agree to this…?" A female ANBU asked.

"Let me finish…the uniforms are leather and are black." Tsunade said.

"…SIGN ME UP!" Everyone cried.

-In Suna-

"Did you hear something?" Kankuro said looking up from his lunch.

"Yeah…I think it was distant thunder…but the weather man didn't say anything about storms today." Temari looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Since when was the weather man right?" Kankuro asked shooting his sister a strange look.

"True." She said going back to eating.

'What the hell have you done now Naruto?' Gaara thought looking out the kitchen window.

-In Konoha-

"Excellent!" Tsunade continued. "Kurenai! I want you to somehow get the guys in the Forest of Death before the start of the event."

"Great! Because that will _sooooo_ easy. NOT!" Kurenai huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.

"You're a woman. You can handle this." Tsunade said offhandedly.

"I don't see you volunteering." Kurenai said smugly.

"What are you talking about, tricking those boys is murder! I'm not that stupid." Tsunade said suddenly setting up straight in her chair, and putting her hands on her desk to keep her balance. She seemed appalled by the mere idea.

"Then why do I have to do it?" Kurenai asked.

"Because _you _don't have a choice!" Tsunade said pointing at Kurenai.

"Ah…touché." Kurenai sighed.

-0-

Kurenai, being the clever woman that she is, got all the shinobi in the forest by saying that they were all signed up to be in a social sciences class.

After much fussing from the younger of the shinobi she was finally able to get everyone into the forest.

The younger shinobi talked amongst themselves, while the older ones stood around waiting for something to happen.

"Alright, you are going to be given this special uniform that will help you blend in with the forest." Kurenai said.

She held up a dark grayish-blue set of clothes.

"Kurenai-sensei, those uniforms make us stand out more than blend in." Shino said.

Kurenai sweet dropped. "Okay you know what? Never mind what I said before about blending in."

"But won't it scare away all the animals?" Kakashi asked.

"Just put the damn thing on." Kurenai said tossing Kakashi his uniform.

She tossed everyone else their uniforms and was about to give more instructions when Naruto interrupted her.

"What dose KAMH stand for? And why are our names on them?"

Naruto stared at the waistband that had the letters 'KAMH' sewn into it.

"Um…Komplete Assessment for Misguided Hellions?" Kurenai said looking around nervously.

"Are you calling me misguided?" Kiba yelled, Akamaru barking too.

"She's calling _everyone _misguided." Neji answered rolling his eyes.

"And Hellions!" Naruto shouted.

Everyone turned to glare at Kurenai.

"Can you please just put the uniform on now?" She sighed, obviously getting tired of this.

"I don't wanna!" Kiba said backing away some.

"Do it dammit! Or I force you into it in front of everybody!" She yelled clearly annoyed now.

There were mixed shouts of 'Oh _God_ no!', 'No way in hell', and 'MOMMY!'.

"Oh, and I also have one for Akamaru." Kurenai said.

"Really?" Kiba asked.

Kurenai just nodded her head and lead the gigantic dog away from the rest of the group.

"Yeah, I'll put him in it while you change." She called over her shoulder.

-5 minutes later-

All the boys were done changing and were now sitting around talking to their fellow comrades again. Kakashi and some of the other Jonin/ANBU were also talking amongst themselves.

"I wonder what we're really here for?" Naruto asked staring into the tree tops.

"What do you mean?" Came Shino's deep voice.

"I mean…haven't you noticed the girls have been acting weird these last few months?" Naruto said now looking at Shino.

"Yeah." Naruto's head snapped towards Sasuke. "Every time I walk past them, instead of attacking me on site, they would point and whisper or fall silent." He said.

"I know what you mean. Tenten wanted to train with me so much, that she found Byakugan's blind spot." Neji said walking over to the small group.

"Byakugan has a blind spot?" Sasuke asked looking up at Neji.

Neji looked at Sasuke angrily.

"Well it does NOW!" He said annoyed.

"Heh…inferior bloodline limit."

"Yeah right…where do you buy your pot? The gutter?" Neji asked.

"Same place you buy yours." Sasuke answered.

Both Neji and Sasuke snapped their heads toward Shino.

"What?" He asked.

"Hey guys." Said a familiar voice.

All heads turned to see Kankuro walking towards them.

"Kankuro? What are you here for?" Asked Kiba.

"The social science class supposedly, but do you know why we're _really_ here?" Questioned Kankuro.

"We have no idea. Do you know?" Asked Naruto who was currently drawing fish cakes in the dust.

Kankuro shot a glare at the blond.

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking you guys if you knew, dumb ass."

"Heh. Oh, hey…Kurenai is making us wear this uniform for the class. You have to put it on or she would probably pop out from behind a tree and force you into it herself." Sasuke said holding out a uniform for Kankuro to take.

"I doubt that…besides this thing is an eyesore!" Kankuro said holding the article of clothing away from his face and turned his head to one side so he wouldn't have to look at it.

"PUT IT ON DAMMIT!" Kurenai yelled, her head appearing from a tree behind Kankuro.

"AHHH!" Screamed Kankuro as he jumped back 5 feet.

"Y-y-yes ma'am!" Kankuro stuttered pulling the sleeves over his arms.

Kurenai head disappeared behind the tree again.

Kankuro stared at the spot for a few moments before pulling the rest of the shirt on.

"Sheesh…" Kankuro muttered now pulling on his pants.

When Kankuro was dressing he found the initials KAMH and got curious.

"What does KAMH stand for?" Kankuro said pointing to his waistband.

"Komplete Assessment for Misguided Hellions." Naruto said.

"Naruto…you spelled 'complete' with a 'k'. Kankuro said giving the blond ninja a strange look.

"NU UH! It's spelled k-o-m-l-l-e-e-t-e!" Naruto said crossing his arms over his chest and sticking his nose in the air, his eyes closed.

"No, Kankuro's right, its spelled c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e." Shikamaru said from his spot on the ground.

"…Don't be a smart-ass…" Naruto said trying to make up an excuse.

"Hard not to be." Shikamaru yawned.

"Hmmph!"

Kiba looked around and noticed Akamaru was still gone.

"Where is Akamaru?" Kiba asked.

The other boys just shrugged.

-0-

"Alright Akamaru, I'll give you this whole bag of dog treats if you bark wherever Kiba goes ok." Kurenai said gesturing to the 45 pound bag of dog treats beside her.


	4. Girls, Just Wanna Have Fun

All the Kunoichi were gathered in Tsunade's office putting on their uniforms, gossiping, and just all around having a good time.

"I feel sorry for those boys, they have no idea what is going on today." Sakura said pulling her shirt over her head.

"Yeah, guys are so stupid, who needs them?" Tenten said pulling on her boot.

"That's not what you thought when you were getting cozy with Neji in front of Tohru's bar." Ino said wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Tenten turned to Ino and gave her a glare.

"Two words Ino…shut…up." Tenten growled.

"Heheh…ouch!" Ino said sarcastically dismissing the subject by waving her hand in the air.

The door to the office opened and there stood Tsunade with Temari standing next to her.

"Temari has arrived!" Tsunade yelled walking into her office.

"Temari's here? Kick ass!" Tenten said pumping a fist in the air.

"Did you bring your brothers?" Tsunade asked sitting down at her desk.

Right when she said that Gaara appeared in the door way, he walked over to one side of the room and leaned against the office wall. He said nothing and just closed his eyes.

"Yeah, I didn't know whether you wanted Gaara to be in the hunt or what…so I just brought him with me." Temari said shrugging her shoulders.

"Hmmm…Gaara…Gaara, Gaara, Gaara…he can stay with us." Tsunade said taping her index finger against her chin while looking at the ceiling.

Gaara rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Yay…Because there in nothing I love more than watching a bunch of girls hunt the guys they want to screw…Where's the popcorn?"

"Over there." Hinata said pointing to the other side of the room where there were bags of popcorn laying on the floor.

"Thanks." Gaara walked over and grabbed himself a bag.

"I don't _want _to screw Neji!" Tenten mumbled. "I already _have._"

"Wonderful." Gaara said stuffing some popcorn in his mouth.

"Anyway, is Kankuro in the forest?" Tsunade asked resting her chin on her hands.

"Hells yeah!" Temari exclaimed.

"Excellent, now, here's your cell phone and chakra map." Tsunade handed Temari the phone and map. "These will help you keep in touch with the teams, and the map shows you where all the guys are."

"Sweet." Temari said flipping her cell phone open.

"Okay, so Temari you stay here with the rest of the girls while me and Gaara go get Anko. We will start soon after that." The Hokage advised as she and Gaara left the room.

-0-

Wow, these uniforms fell great! Who made them?" Temari exclaimed while pulling her hair ties out.

Tenten and Ino also had their hair down for this special event.

Tsunade and Gaara re-entered the room with Anko following close behind the two Kages.

"A secret source of mine got me in contact with a master tailor." Tsunade said answering Temari's question.

-0-

"Hey leader! I got my check today!" Kakazu said running into sir-Leaders room waving the piece of paper above his head.

"Excellent! Now I can buy that PS3!" Sir Leader said rubbing his hands together.

"Leader…What's gotten into you?" Kakazu said lowering his hands so they were now in front of his chest.

"…And some candy…yes lots and _lots _of candy!" Leader continued as if he didn't hear what Kakazu said.

"Sir…how many times do I have to tell you…INSULIN!!"(1) Kakazu yelled. "_Candy _is killing you!"

"…So?" Leader pouted.

-0-

"I bet 50 ryou on Sasuke being the first to get caught by me!" Sakura yelled.

"I bet 100 ryou he will be caught by me!" Ino shouted.

Sakura and Ino both turned to each other and glared.

"Hey…What if we work together to bring him down, then we can spilt the money." Sakura said.

"Sure…why not?"

"Hey Temari…we should work together for this thing." Tenten suggested.

"Why?" Temari asked raising her eyebrow in confusion.

"Because you, me, and Hinata could ride on your fan and attack from above."

"Sure." Temari said. "Those guys won't know what hit them!" She shouted at the end.

"Count on it!" Hinata yelled strangely enthusiastic.

"Who should we go after first?" Temari asked, all cheering aside for now.

"I don't know…Chouji maybe?" Tenten said while gathering weapons and securing them in the Kunai holster on her leg.

"Yeah…He should be an easy catch, just involve food and he's as good as caught." Hinata said.

"Frickin' awesome!" Temari yelled.

"GIRLS! FINISH UP GATHERING YOUR WEAPONS AND PUTTING ON YOUR ARMOR! IT'S ALMOST TIME TO START!" Tsunade voice boomed across the room for every girl to hear.

"THIS IS OUR TIME TO SHINE!" All the girls in Tsunade's office cried.

-0-

"Did you hear something?" Kiba asked looking in the direction of Hokage tower.

"Nah." Came the rumble of male voices.

* * *

1: MOIG has a theory that the Akatsuki leader is diabetic, not entirely sure where that came from but we're putting it in the story anyway. 

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. I just kept telling myself 'I'll do it tomorrow' and it just never got worked on until now…so yeah. Hope you like it so far, tell me what you think.


	5. Men, Weapons & Fireworks Just like Prom

Every kunoichi in Konoha was gathered around the small stage set in front of the forest of death. Tsunade stood at the front of the stage in front of the crowed of female ninja. Gaara stood off to the side munching on popcorn.

"Okay Girls. I want an exciting event. Fight dirty if you have too. Just remember two rules." Tsunade then held up two fingers in front of her face. "No biting…" She lowered one finger. "And no maiming."

"Does that mean that rape is allowed in this event?" Someone called from the back of the crowed.

"I don't care what you do in there, just as long as you fallow those two rules. Anything else?" Tsunade called.

"Why is he here?" A younger girl asked pointing to Gaara. "Shouldn't he be in the forest with the rest of them?" She continued and then crossed her arms.

Tsunade took a senbon from behind her back and threw at Gaara.

"What the-!" Gaara yelled when he realized that something pointy was flying at him. Gaara's sand came up and deflected the senbon as it drew closer.

"Oh…good point…" The young kunoichi said.

"Yeah…anyways…done with your stupid ass questions? Good." Tsunade finished before anyone could say anything else. She then pulled a cell phone from her pocket and dialed a number, when someone picked up she stared speaking immediately.

"Bring in Anko." She said and then hung up.

Almost within seconds six female ANBU appeared along with Anko in a straight jacket. The ANBU holding onto Anko's shoulder turned toward Tsunade.

"I have her pills right here Tsunade-sama." The ANBU said and held out a bottle for the Hokage to inspect.

"Good. Now hurry up and give them to her before my hair turns grey." Tsunade said pushing the ANBU's hand with the pills in it toward Anko.

"Okay…you do know that she becomes even more mentally unstable when she takes these right?" The ANBU questioned.

Someone in the crowed screamed and then fainted.

"Do you _want _to take on all of the, Jonin, Chunin, Tokubetsu Jonin, and Genin _together_?"

"…No…"

"Then give her the pills." Tsunade sounded very smug.

The ANBU gulped. "Here goes nothin'…"

The five other ANBU held Anko down as the sixth ANBU forced the pills into Anko's mouth. She swallowed them and almost immediately started foaming at the mouth.

Anko spat on the ground then turned to the Hokage.

"Good and foaming Tsunade." Anko said.

"Good. Now remember, try not to scare them too much, just scatter them so it's easier to pick them off. Release her into the forest!" Tsunade shouted.

The crowed gave an excited roar as the ANBU released Anko from the straight jacket, and with blinding speed Anko raced into the forest. The cheering died down as Anko went out of sight.

-0-

"Do you hear that?" Naruto asked turning his head and craning his neck toward the entrance of the forest.

"Hear what?" Asked Shino.

"That…that…thrashing sound?" Naruto said cocking his head to the left and squinted his eyes looking thoughtful.

"I hear it too…" A male ANBU said.

Kankurou and Kiba decided to be brave and headed towards the thrashing sound. They stopped and listened for a few moments before both of the turned pale and turned back towards the group and started to run.

"RUN YOU LUNATICS, RUN!!" Kiba shouted at the top of his lungs.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" Kankurou cried running along side Kiba deeper into the forest.

"…" Everyone stayed silent because none knew what to say.

"What the hell was that all about?" Sasuke finally asked when Kiba and Kankurou were out of sight.

Neji activated his Byakugan to see what all the fuss was about. "I don't…" He stopped and his eyes widened. "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" Then just like Kiba and Kankurou, Neji turned and started to run deeper into the forest screaming. But he didn't make it all that far because he tripped over an upturned root and fell on his face. But he quickly recovered and then bolted into the forest screaming all the way.

"Hn, Candy ass." Sasuke said with a smirk on his face.

Sasuke didn't get to smirk for long because right when that smirked graced his lips Anko burst threw the trees at the opposite end of the clearing. Everyone was surprised to see Anko, and even more surprised when they say that she was foaming at the mouth.

"RUN LIKE FREE RANGED CHICKENS!" Anko yelled and then started to go after the boys.

"EVERYBODY HAS TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Yelled an ANBU.

The boys put up no argument and ran just as Tonbo (The ANBU) instructed.

"All the guys are scattered. There are no more than three together in one spot, and right now they just seem to be sitting there out of breath." Said Hinata as she deactivating her Byakugan.

"Good." Tsunade then spoke into the Radio. "All patrolling female ANBU, report to Anko's coordinates and shoot her with the regulation sedative."

"What does sedative have to do with anything?" Temari asked looking at Tsunade.

"Oh…that. It's what all ANBU receive for when Anko goes crazy. It's a mixture of sedative, anesthesia, and three different rare sleeping poisons." Tsunade said looking out at the forest.

"Sheesh…You would think moose tranquilizer would work." Temari said also turning her gaze too the forest.

"Heh…shows how much you know." Tsunade said.

Temari snapped her head to the blond Hokage and gave her a strange look.

"Ready Tsunade-sama?" Tenten asked fastening her shuriken holster to her leg.

"Ready. Okay girls…It's time. Time that we show the men whose boss! We are beautiful! We are strong! We are kickass! And more importantly…we can KICK their ass! So I want you to go out there and show 'em whose boss!" Tsunade yelled. And to emphasize it even more she pumped her fist in the air at each exclamation.

Another cheer went up.

"Woo-hoo." Gaara grunted unenthusiastically while waving his finger in a lazy circle beside his head and then went back to munching on his popcorn.

"SHARPEN YOUR WEAPONS GRILS!" Tsunade yelled.

"YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN BOYS!" Shouted the crowed of girls.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Tsunade yelled. She then threw her fist down in front of her and fireworks exploded behind the stage.

A couple of the boys who were closest to the entrance saw the whole thing. All the close range girls surged into the forest. The long distance fighters were advancing slowly, shooting weapons into the forest. The guys who saw the event screamed out a warning to the ones who were lucky enough to get away.

Konoha's Annual Man Hunt is now officially on!

* * *

A/N: Man I'm getting lazy with this. The original plan was to post a chapter everyday, but…that isn't happing, I can tell you that right now. Reviews are loved and me and MyObsessionIsGaara will love you if you leave one! 


	6. Man Hunt RealizationIncompetent Style

"Sakura…It's thirty minutes into the event and we're getting _nowhere _thanks to you and your directions!" Ino complained.

"_My _directions?! You are criticizing _my directions_, you playboy model _Wannabe_!" Sakura sounded very irritated.

"You shouldn't be talking Miss _Flatland_!" Ino huffed.

"Argh! I'm going to save my energy to capture Sasuke." Sakura said turning her back to Ino.

"Fine with me…" Ino said also turning her back too Sakura.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I'm still going to make Sasuke mine!" Ino said with a smirk on her face.

"THAT'S IT! DIE BITCH!" Sakura screamed as she lunged at Ino. Sakura landed on the blond girl and grabbed a fist full of hair and tugged. Ino screamed and flailed her arms around hoping that she would hit Sakura.

Many profanities were heard throughout the forest.

-0-

"Okay and Sasuke went that way." Ino said pointing her hand in the direction to the left of her. Ino had a nasty bruise on her right shoulder and it twitched every few seconds.

"Ugh! Wait. I have a plan." Sakura said. She had a hand shaped red print on the side of her face.

"Ohhh…I like that evil look…must be something good!" Ino said rubbing her hands together.

"It sure is. Now listen…"

-0-

"Good lord Anko is one crazy bitch!" Sasuke panted under his breath.

After a minute or so wondering around trying to get his bearings straight he finds a tree.

"I think I'm going to rest under this old tree…" Sasuke muttered. He looked up and saw 'Kyle + RibbionsandBells' carved in the tree. (1)

"Huh? Who are those people?" He muttered. He shrugged and set down with his back resting against the trunk of the tree.

-Earlier-

"…So all we need to do is set the net up in this circle. Parallel from that tree." Sakura said pointing to the tree across the clearing.

"That old tree that just screams 'Sasuke's gonna hug me'?" Ino questioned.

"Yeah…that one." Sakura said while rolling her eyes.

-0-

"What the _hell _was that?" Kiba panted leaning his body against a tree.

"All I do know is that Anko was coming at damn near 80 miles per hour and I wasn't going to stick around to see what the heck she was aiming to do." Kankurou also panted from his spot on the ground.

"Ah…touché." Kiba panted.

"Fricking retarded…that doesn't make sense." Kankurou said sounding thoughtful. He sat up and scratched his messy brown hair.

"I think we're safe for now." Kiba said looking around at their surroundings.

…

"Dango, Hachi, I have found two incompetents in the forest." A shadowy figure said from the trees above where Kankurou and Kiba were resting.

"On our way!" Two female voices said over the wireless radio.

…

"Ya know…I kinda like it when the girls aren't chasing us with sharp." Kiba shuddered. "Pointy weapons." He finished.

"Yeah…what was up with that? I think I saw my sister up there…" Kankurou trailed off.

"DUDE!" Kiba shouted in a panicky voice. "Your sister is scary as hell! If she's up there I'm so leaving this forest!"

"Alas…you can't leave the forest until your all hunted boys!" Two voices said in unison.

Kiba and Kankurou looked around trying to figure out where the voices were coming from and trying not to think what would happen if they had found out they just heard the voices in their own head. The tree tops rustled and two girls dropped from above landing on feet.

Both girls had purple eyes and black hair. They looked like they were sisters. One was taller then the other and had longer hair in braids that went to her waist. (2)

"I CALL THE DOG BOY!" The one with the braids yelled.

"THE CAT MAN IS MIIIINE!" The other yelled and the both dashed towards Kiba and Kankurou.

"RUN!" Kiba yelled over his shoulder to Kankurou who was struck with horror and frozen to the spot. Kankurou's legs finally decided to work and he started to run after Kiba, catching up to him in no time.

Kiba and Kankurou crashed through the trees with Hachi and Dango in hot pursuit. Both were throwing weapons and one took a hair pin out of her hair and threw it. The two boys dodged most of the projectiles with only some nicking the clothing.

The boys continued to run tripping and falling some of the ways. Kiba's shirt snagged on a branch and pulled him back and without him thinking he just immediately flung it off his body in the desperate attempt to get away from the psycho girls.

He caught up to Kankurou who didn't even think to slow down for his fallen comrade.

"What is wrong with the girls?" Kiba shouted over Hachi and Dango's war cries.

"What?" Kankurou asked also yelling.

"I said, what is wrong with the girls?" Kiba cried.

"I don't know! I mean I know that girls attack without warrant and without mercy…but this is just…_wrong_!" Kankurou shouted.

"Well I do know one thing…" Kiba panted from running and yelling so much.

"GET BACK HERE!" The girl with the braids yelled throwing a kunai at Kiba and Kankurou.

"WHAT IS THIS?! A kind of man hunt or something?!" Kankurou cried.

"Man hunt?" Kiba said his face scrunched up in confusion. They turned their heads to face each other while they were still running and then both had an epiphany.

"IT'S A MAN HUNT!" They both cried running faster then before. Their cry was heard all the way to the stage at the front of the forest of death.

Tsunade eyes widened before she yelled into the wireless radio.

"HOLY CRAP! They figured it out! Girls…NO FRICKING MERCY!" She yelled.

Every girl heard the message and grinned evilly to themselves…

* * *

1: Ha! Take that Chelby! And I know your reading this! Express your undying love for the albino tuba player!

2: These two are sisters. Both make an appearance in our new Fanfic 'Team Gai's school year'. A lot of the OC's that are in this that are about team Gai's age are in that fic. So unless you want to be really confused about all these OC's that will make an appearance in this, then you better read team Gai's school year…or at least the first chapter where we introduce and describe the characters for you.

A/N: _See _MOIG? I got the chapter out so you can stop yelling a me…


	7. Kankuro Succotash and Kakashi Flambe

MOIG: We're alive!! I will temporarily be taking over all aspects of this story because SOMEBODY (ahem CrazyFrog07) is too busy doing other things, but I, I have not forgotten!

ENJOY this LOOOOONG OVERDUE edition of ...

* * *

KONOHA'S ANNUAL MAN-HUNT

RECAP- Tsunade's eyes widened before she yelled into the wireless radio.

"HOLY CRAP! They figured it out! Girls…NO FRICKING MERCY!" She yelled.

Every girl heard the message and grinned evilly to themselves…

* * *

CH. 7: Kankuro Succotash and Kakashi Flambe

Tsunade was chuckling happily to herself as she greeted the first capture of the day. Ino and Sakura had just dropped off Sasuke and Tsunade felt like pestering the poor boy.

After all, he was caught by Sakura and Ino, of all ninja to be caught by.

"Well now, who do we have here?"

Sasuke glared at her and struggled to escape the ropes that encircled his body. Giving up, he sighed and almost fell over.

"Grrrrrr... hey...are the other's already here?" he asked.

"...heh...no, you're the first one captured! Congrats!"

"Come on, Naruto HAS to be the first caught... right?"

Tsunade shook her head.

"Hate to say it but... you're pitiful..."

Sasuke pouted like a five year old. "Well...what about Choji"

"Him? He's still alive."

" And Kiba?"

Tsunade checked the large list on the wall by the processing booth near the front door.

"We've got tabs on him, but, he's still out there."

"Well what about...?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"How about you guess from the cage, kay?

She attempted to force the young ninja through the door to a gigantic cell with metal bars criss-crossing each other.

"CAGE!? YOU'RE PUTTING US IN A CAGE?!" shrieked Sasuke.

"...YUP ;D"

"This has to break all sorts of proper prisoner treatment rules." protested Sasuke

Tsunade smiled a pleasant, almost peaceful smile.

"I am one of the Densetsu no Sannin. I have assasinated many people of important wealth andd social standing. I have been trained to torture under Ibiki's father. Do not test me bitch."

Sasuke gulped. "Not Ibiki's father, he's worse than his son."

"Heh, thought so. Harriet...put him in the cage! ...and stop scratching me Uchiha...!"

WITH KANKURO AND KIBA

"Hey Kiba?! Where the hell are you?" muttered Kankuro as he glanced around. 'Man...a couple hours in the forest being hunted changes you don't it...' he thought to himself.

In his absent mindedness, he failed to notice Kiba in the background being dragged, kicking and flailing from behind a bush.

KURENAI- ANKO TEAM

At the water cooler, Kurenai sat wistfully watching the other female sensei drag in their kills, I mean...captures. Anko came up beside her.

"Why aren't you out there?" she asked.

"Don't know who to go after, besides my team, but Hinata could do that better..."

"You could capture your Co-Sensei..."

"...Co-Sensei?"

"Yeah. You know...Guy, Kakashi, Asuma...etc"

"That would prove interesting... thanks." Kurenai got up when all of the sudden, hands gripped her sash on the uniform.

"NOOOOOES! Don't leave me here! TAKE MEH WIT YOUUUU!" wailed Anko.

"O.o Okay okay... calm down girl..."

KAKASHI

Kakshi sat down on a branch, tired.

"Ahhhh...a nice place to read my book."

Five minuets later, giggling arose from the masked sensei. Suddenly, Anko popped out from behind him and screamed: "I GOT YOU HATAKE!"

She lunged for his head and missed as he sped off into the thicker part of the forest.

"HAH! Payback for the telephone to head earlier..." taunted Kakashi.

"Don't think I can't see you Hatake." said Kurenai, her voice seemingly drifting out of nowhere.

"Why are you addressing me by my LAST NAME? I have a first name too, ya know!" he yelled out, forgetting the whole meaning of hiding in the forest.

"Oh shut your whining...now come out here and..." said a strangely seductive voice. It seemed to lift pervert Kakashi sensei off his feet.

"ANNNNNND what, my love?" he answered, drawn further in to that velvety smooth tone.

"I'll make it worth your while..."

"... Must...resist...voice...must...IGNORE... I'M COMING MY SWEET!!" Yelled Kakashi. He darted out into the middle of a clearing, desperately glancing around for...whom ever the voice belonged to.

Behind a tree, Kurenai sweatdropped. "Wow...Anko was right, that DOES work..." She radioed Kakashi's capture in, put on her best 'sex in the forest' face, and went out into the clearing.

"Now what were you... ahem going to do to me, exactly...tell me." pleaded Kakashi.

Kurenai fake blushed. "Oh, well...you see I-I never..."

She leaned in closer to Kakashi and placed her hands on his chest. He moved his hands up toward Kurenai's...um...womanly enhancements. She slapped his hand away playfully.

"Kakashiiiiii!"

He scowled slightly. "Well, what am I supposed to do? Your words say one thing but you're actions!" (1)

Kakashi couldn't finish his sentence due to a fist connecting with his head, knocking him out instantly.

"What do my actions say NOW beeyotch? Yeah, what now punk!" shouted Kurenai as she hog tied Kakashi and dragged him to the base.

WITH KANKURO

Kankuro was walking all by himself, unaware (yet again) of two ninja in the bushes.

"Dango (2). Target in site." whispered Hachi (2) into her cell phone.

"I'm on it."

The calm before the storm.

Kankuro's head snapped up suddenly. "I have the feeling I'm being followed." He turned just in time to see Dango pop out from behind him.

"HACHI! NOW!" Dango shouted.

Kankuro wriggled out of Dango's grip and flipped her over. She did a weird turn and landed on her feet. Forming a handsign, she gathered her chakra. Kankuro turned, ready to run when a chakra net catches him in the face. Hachi leaped down from the tree she was in.

"AURGGG! LEMME OUT!" yelled Kankuro. He clawed at the net like a pissed off kitten.

Dango smirked. "Not in this lifetime. Come on Hachi! I want to go look for lost stuff before the event is over." Hachi looked at Dango, then Kankuro. Sighing, she took a hold of the net.

"You go find stuff, I'll turn him in."

TO THE BATCAVE...

Tsunade took her post in front of the cage. She loved tormenting the captured, and the cage was now filling up.

"You know, you'd think the brother of the Kazekage would put up a better fight..."

Kankuro glared at her. "Piss off!"

"Temper, temper.. hehehe!"

Gaara walked over to the cage to see what all the laughing was about. Catching sight of his older brother, he decided to say hi.

"...Gaara? Why aren't you in here with the rest of us?"

The cage went silent, trying to process this bit of information.

"Oh look, sandwiches." said Gaara, in a dreamy, faraway voice. (3)

He pointed in a direction opposite of the food table and took off before any more silent questions pertaining to his gender arose. (4)

Tsunade turned back to the cage.

"Now this will never do, awkward silences... I know... WHO WANTS A COOKIE!!

All the captured in the cage just stared at her. She chuckled nervously.

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood, that's all."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "We're in a cage , and you're trying to lighten the mood!?"

"C'mon! You all look like all hope is lost! I know, ANBU GET ME THE TASER!"

Everyone in the cage shrank back for the side Tsunade was sitting at.

She smiled to herself.

"Now THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!" Tsunade shouted. She took a sip of soda and leaned back in her chair. Life was good.

* * *

1: My mind is telling me no, but my body, my body is telling me yes! lol Y'all thought you were gonna get a lemon were'nt ya? Well, this isn't that type of FanFic. I love you all but...Sorries!

2: Dango and Hachi are from another story CrazyFrog and I are working on... Team Gai's School Year.

3: I have decided to make Gaara a COMPLETE glutton in this story.

4: Gaara is a guy... just clearing that up... XD

MOIG- Well now, that was fun. Now I have to go do a project. Once again, I will be taking this over, and I can't type worth anything. REVIEW! PLEASE!

NEXT TIME ON KAMH!!

CH. 8 Ice- Creamed Ibiki with Ganache of Gai

...PREVIEW

Kurenai: How do you hide when you are in that ugly uniform? GET OUT HERE YOU SPANDEXOID FREEEEEEEAK!

Gai: I'm right here.

(Kurenai turns around and sees Gai standing there by a tree covered in vines. You can see him perfectly.)

Kurenai: … oh…

Gai: So how does this work exactly?

Kurenai: What? What are you talking about?

Gai: This 'Man Hunt'?

Kurenai: You follow me to the place where the cag-… I mean… the _resource headquarters_ we have set up to… help… _aid_ the … _recovering _ninja in a _relaxed atmosphere_?

Gai: …So you're saying this is a test of our ninja abilities?! (Really happy tone)

Kurenai: You could put it that way? (She is sooooo confused)

Gai: TAKE ME AWAY!! (Puts hands out in 'arrest me' pose)

Kurenai: Okay?? (Really REALLY confused)

MOIG- Sorry it's in script form...but that's how all my dialogue is.


	8. Author's Note: We Humbly Apologize

Well...you thought we were dead, didn't ya?

We kinda were.

CrazyFrog still is (dead I mean), although she does have that new Hetalia story out now.

Just so you know, this is MOIG coming at you live from my house in the middle of nowhere. I was going to update YEARS ago, but then some stuff came up. My usb with all my story info disappeared and then I got a new computer. All story info was lost for close to a year and a half. I have finally gotten both of these back (BRAND NEW COMPUTER!) and we should be updating KAMH, Team Gai's School Year, and 50 Things Not To Do In A Haunted Mansion soon.

As for the stories that are strictly CrazyFrog, I cannot speak for her, so she will update whenever she feels to.

I, on the other hand, will try to get out chapters/make new stories, but don't count on it. I get into these writing funks and can't seem to emerge from it until months have past.

I love you guys,

~MOIG


	9. Ice Creamed Ibiki and Ganache of Gai

Ice- Creamed Ibiki with Ganache of Gai

CH. 9

* * *

STILL AT THE KUNOICHI BASE...

Tenten sat down with a cup of soda in the base's common area. Bean bags and cushiony armchairs littered floor and several kunoichi were napping before going back into the field. Tenten turned to the rest of the girls sitting in a makeshift circle in the corner.

"I heard that Kurenai and Anko brought in Kakashi-sensei and are now going after Ibiki." she said.

Ino lifted her head form her magazine.

"What's so great about that?"

"I heard that Kurenai hit on Kakashi to lure him out of the forest!" Tenten managed say in between her laughter.

Temari shrugged her shoulders. "Seems a little dirty though...I mean...people already say that kunoichi use their bodies to their advantage."

Ino opened her big mouth to argue that sometimes a little sex appeal was necessary to get the job done, when the group caught the ranting of a fellow ninja.

"...And then he RAN from me! So I was all 'I see you' and he was all 'No you don't you liar!' and then I was like 'Dude...you are purple in the middle of a forest!(1)"

"Dango... shut up."

Dango folded her arms. "Hmph...you are such a bitch." This comment didn't even faze her companion, who simply shrugged and grabbed some candy.

"Tell the world. I don't really care."

"How does anybody, especially Shino, put up with you!"

"Oh. I'm not like that to everybody...just you."

Tenten dropped her soda in suprise. "Did I hear you right Dango-chan? Sukiyaki (1) and Shino?"

Dango jumped a foot into the air. "WAHAHAHHA! Where did you... Oh, yeah. Shino and her..." She turned and pointed at Sukiyaki with a glare. "...Are together now."

Tenten just nodded her head all-knowingly. "It was only a matter of time. How's you and Lee?"

Everyone collectively gagged at this new information.

"LEE! SHE'S DATING ROCK LEE?" Temari gasped.

Sakura's face lit up. "No wonder he's started leaving me alone! Thank you so much!"

"That's s-s-sorta s-scary!" stuttered Hinata.

"HEY! I like him!"

"Of course you do Dango...ANYways, I have to go and find random stuff to turn in to Tsunade before the end of this thing." Said Sukiyaki as she walked away towards Tsunade's makeshift throne at the front of the room. Sakura looked puzzled.

"What does she mean by 'turn in stuff'?"

Dango raised her eyebrow in disbelief "You guys didn't hear? There is going to be a shinobi auction at the end of the event that's open to the public. Hokage-sama is going to sell off all of the things found in the forest ranging from shirts to shoes to scandalous pictures. You can also bet on who can collect the most shirts."

After the duo walked away, Tenten turned to Hinata and Temari.

"You girls ready to get out there?" she asked.

"Yep." replied Temari. "And I have the perfect plan."

* * *

IN THE FOREST... WITH ANKO AND KURENAI...

The two kunoichi were walking through the forest looking for their next targets. Anko finished eating her chips and dropped the bag on the ground while scanning the list she made up.

"Whose next Anko?" asked Kurenai.

"...Maito Gai..."

All of the sudden, Kurenai grabbed Anko's arm to stop her from walking any further.

"Shhh...you hear that?"

Ibiki Morino casually strolled into the clearing with Anko and Kurenai. He caught sight of them and stopped dead in his tracks.

…

…

…

_Okay Ibiki. It's gonna be okay. Don't make any sudden movements. Dont Panic. Dont breathe. You'll be fine…_

A drop of seat formed on his forehead and plopped on the ground beneath him. That's when all hell broke loose. Anko pulled out her kunai "You can go get Gai. I'll get Ibiki." she shouted to Kurenai.

"Okay...I hope you know what you're doing." Kurenai said as she disappeared.

Anko proceeded to throw smoke bombs around the clearing, making sight difficult.

"Get out here you interrogations bat!"

Ibiki was hiding in a large tree. "Gotta do something...I know!" He took a deep breath and formed some random handseals.

"BUNSHIN no JUTSU!"

"WHY DIDN'T ANYTHING HAPPEN?" he panicked.

Back in the clearing, Anko scented the air. _I can smell him, but I can't pinpoint where he is. I know..._

She started forming the same random handseals as Ibiki. "Bunshin no jutsu." A bunch of Anko's pop out as the smoke clears. Ibiki frowned in disbelief. _Why can she do that and I can't? That's not fair!_

"I FOUND HIM!" cried a clone only seconds later.

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" sputtered Ibiki as he was bodily dragged out of his hiding place.

"Do what? Find you?"

"No! Create clones. I couldn't and you could!"

Anko thought for a minuet. "Well...since you're already captured, I'll tell you. See that design?" She pointed to Ibiki's name and the letters KAMH on his uniform.

Ibiki took a look. "Yeah. So?"

"It has a jutsu canceling jutsu (2) imbedded in the thread."

Ibiki nodded his head. "Oh I see...hey! That's cheating!"

Anko shook her head. " No… it's just evening up already un-even odds."

Ibiki turned skeptical. "So in other words...cheating."

"...Yeah."

* * *

It was almost noon and Kurenai was having trouble finding Gai.

'How do you hide when you are in that ugly uniform?' she thought to herself. Taking a deep breath she yelled:

" GET OUT HERE YOU SPANDEXOID FREEEEEEEAK!"

"...I'm right here..."

Kurenai turned around to see Gai standing in froont of a tree covered with vines, outlining his shape perfectly.

**Sweatdrop** "Oh...my bad!"

"So how does this, erm _man hunt_ thing work exactly?"

Kurenai stopped and though for a minuet. "Uhm...You follow me to the place where the cag-… I mean… the _resource headquarters_ are set up to… help… _aid_ the … _recovering _ninja in a _relaxed atmosphere_?"

Gai blinked, then grinned widely. "So this a test of ninja skills?"

"Um...yes...you could put it that way."

Gai clasps his wrists together in front of him in the classic arrest me pose.

"Take me away!"

Kurenai did an internal facepalm.

_Can it really be this simple?_

* * *

1: These are characters we have made and appear in Team Gai's School Year. More info on them later.

2: It kinda defeats the whole purpose of a jutsu, doesn't it? Useful though...

MOIG: Well, as promised here is a long awaited chapter 9. There should be more soon. Most of the story is already outlined, it just needs to be put into story format and proofread. As always, Rate and Review!


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